Downton abbey pillow

Downton abbey pillow DEFAULT
by Spencer Barnes 1/12/2015

Last week on Downton Abbey, Lady Edith chose to set fire to her room, but everyone’s fine. Except Jimmy, who got the sack for succumbing to the desperate lures of Lady Cougartown, and Robert, who is still nauseous from talking to commoners, and of course Edith, who is still Edith. So basically, no one is fine.

Now that the fire is out, Anna and Mrs. Hughes venture into the charred remains of Edith’s room/life to salvage what they can and, of course, make the bed. A fire is no excuse to let your morning chores go unattended. (This show has turned me into Carson.)

Downton2AnnaHughes

Within seconds, Anna discovers a small photo of baby Marigold hidden under Edith’s pillow. Really, Edith? Under the pillow? In a house where the staff makes your bed every day, the pillow is legitimately the worst hiding place you could ever imagine. Just get some flashing lights and a banner at that point. Edith is as bad at secrets as Bates is at murder.

Anna and Mrs. Hughes do an excellent job of silently sharing OMG-eyes and then busily fluffing pillows like nothing happened. That’s why they’re still around while all those other poser maids get fired after one tea service.

Meanwhile, Robert and Carson are strolling along with the horrible townies discussing options for the memorial. Carson argues for replacing the cricket pitch with a garden of remembrance, which Robert opposes because NOT THE CRICKET PITCH, ANYTHING BUT THE CRICKET PITCH. The question is, which is more important, cricket or honoring war heroes. Robert goes, “Cricket, obvi.” Carson furrows his brow, and then Robert furrows his brow, and then Carson furrows his brow more, and then I yell, “MAKE IT STOP!” Daddy and Papa are fighting, and I can’t take it.

Back at Downton, it’s time for Jimmy to leave, but first he has something he wants to say to Thomas. (I’ve always loved you?)

Downton2Jimmy

No, just that Thomas is his super duper BFF and that he couldn’t have imagined being friends with one of those icky gays until he met Thomas. Um, thanks I guess? “I’m sad to see the back of you,” says Jimmy. Yes, we know. That’s the whole problem. If you were properly happy to see Thomas’s backside, we wouldn’t be in this situation, now would we?

With Thomas near tears, they shake hands, wish each other happiness, and then break into a duet of “I Will Remember You.”

That part didn’t happen, but in my head it happened.

Downton2Thomas

But what will Jimmy do now? Did he get a reference? That’s always the big deal when servants leave. Remember when Ethel didn’t get a reference and had to become a prostitute? Does Jimmy have to become a prostitute? And by prostitute, of course, I mean go back to working for Lady Cougartown. Thomas needs to be asking these hard-hitting prostitution questions instead of doing all this sensitive, humanizing crying.

Up at the house, the family sits down to a casual luncheon (only one fork per person?!? What are you, hobos?), and talk immediately turns to the fire. “I do feel such an idiot,” says Edith. “Maybe because you behaved like an idiot,” says Mary. 10 points to Lady Mary. I love that no one even bothers defending Edith. They’re just like, “Yep.”

Downton2Mary

Mary is preparing for her illicit sex-cation with Lord Gillingham, and her chosen cover story is that she’s spending the week on a road trip to sketch countryside views with Annabelle Portsmouth. Let me be the first to say BAHAHAHAHA. Mary on a road trip. Sketching. She’d rather share a sleeping bag with Edith. How long before she bursts into tears when there’s no one to sort her breakfast jewels from her dinner jewels? Also, Annabelle Portsmouth? Please. She might as well say she’s going with Jane…Sketchbook.

In other news, the silver medalist for Mary’s affections, Charles Blake, is planning to visit Downton along with an art historian because of upper-class things, while Rose uses this opportunity to make the first of many, many hints about wanting a wireless for Downton. Robert goes, “You don’t even live here. Also, no.” He thinks the radio is just a fad, like the horseless carriage or poor people, because of course he does.

With her luncheon responsibilities over, Edith heads directly to Farmer Drewe’s to continue making it painfully obvious she’s Marigold’s mother. “I hope I’m not being a nuisance,” she says, sideswiping the other ratty garbage children and reeling in Marigold. You absolutely are. Mrs. Drewe has a lot of side-eye in store for Lady Edith this week, especially once Mr. Drewe floats the idea of Edith becoming Marigold’s godmother so that it’s not so awkward and bizarre when she drops in every hour. Mrs. Drewe turns to lava at the suggestion. Edith is thrilled.

Downton2EdithThrilledb

 

So thrilled that she rushes right home to tell the family all about how she has chosen some completely random child with no significance whatsoever to throw hugs and money at. Edith will pay for Marigold’s schooling with all the money she has from those two newspaper articles she wrote. (A fortune!) Everyone thinks it’s weird, but also whatever. It’s only Edith. Rose wasn’t even paying attention. She was too busy reading about a wireless and dreaming about a wireless and begging Robert for a wireless and naming her firstborn son Wireless.

Anna is distressed about Lady Mary’s sex plans, and her distress is about to get worse because Mary has a special favor to ask. You see, Mary may be too refined to say the words “pregnant” and “birth control,” but she definitely doesn’t want any “CONSEQUENCES” so she needs “YOU KNOW WHAT.” Since she can’t buy YOU KNOW WHAT herself because she might be recognized (what, is she Angelina Jolie now?), she’s making Anna do it. Poor Anna. This is so not in her job description. She wouldn’t even know what YOU KNOW WHAT to get. No matter. Mary tosses a book at her and is all, “Read up on my vagina in this, and then get everything I need.” Guh. Thanks a lot, Mary.

Being the best maid of all time, Anna dutifully heads to Ye Olde Birth Control Shoppe and asks the male shopkeeper if she could, by any chance, speak to the worst woman in history. She’s in luck!

Downton2Worst

Anna opens Mary’s sex book and points to the unspecified lady apparatus she wants, but Texas School Board Chairwoman is all, “BOOOOOO! ABSTINENCE ONLY!” Anna has to pretend she needs it for her “health,” and then breaks the world record in the 100 meters as she sprints out of the shop and melts. Mary, you officially owe Anna about a million diamond tiaras for this.

Unfortunately, the Dowager Countess doesn’t have a lot of action this week, but she makes the most of her time by trying to ruin Isobel’s tea date. Lord Merton keeps “frisking around” Isobel’s skirts, which sounds very inappropriate, so the Dowager decides it’s her sacred duty to make snarky asides about Isobel’s pushiness at every opportunity. It’s tough work, but someone has to do it.

In downstairs affairs, Thomas is in a sadness spiral about Jimmy, so he tries to make himself feel better by revealing Baxter’s thieving past to Molesley. Molesley then spends the next 186 hours moping outside in the darkness and staring into the middle distance while Baxter shuffles around refusing to tell the whole story for reasons like…no reason.

Daisy is also moping because math is a fart face. Good thing she has Mrs. Patmore, who is such a gem that she offers to pay for Daisy to get a tutor. (Awww alert.) Hmm, but who do we know who teaches math and is also a walking pile of drama and ruined dinner parties? I know! Miss Bunting!

Of course, the moment Rose hears that Miss Bunting is in the house, she takes a break from going, “wireless wireless wireless wireless,” to suggest they invite her upstairs. God, Rose.

Downton2Rose

Robert is furious and begins clucking something about a “tin pot Rosa Luxemburg.” No idea, but for the next week I will be describing everyone as looking like a tin pot Rosa Luxemburg. The shade! Fortunately for Robert, he is saved when Miss Luxemburg declines the invitation. Phew.

Other, wealthier people are much more welcome at Downton. Charles Blake pops in to congratulate Mary on choosing “the lithe and supple figure of Tony Gillingham.” Charles! I didn’t know you felt that way. He tells Mary that he wishes them the best of luck and totally isn’t bitter at all. “But also, Tony Gillingham is dumb as sticks and you only want him for his body and will be miserable forever, BUT OMG CONGRATULATIONS I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!”

Mr. Blake’s dinner pal, the art historian, causes a scandal by being slightly tan instead of favoring the classic “so pale you might have died six months ago” look of a proper Englishman. His tan is all the Crawleys can talk about. To them, he’s like Snooki.

Downton2Tan

Snooki explains that he’s so tan because he spent the winter admiring beautiful things in Egypt and then wastes zero seconds before jumping into an obvious flirtation with Cora about the beautiful things he’s seen. Like her face. Robert, of course, has no idea. He’s too busy telling everyone about that awful Miss Bunting and how awful she is and how if she were here she would be saying awful things like, “Russian revolution. I’m awful. Blah blah blah.”

Robert’s anti-revolution rant stirs something in Tom, but before he has a chance to rip off his formalwear and fully transform into his secret alter-ego, Branson Season 2, with the shouting and ideals, Cora declares that dinner is OVER. Like right now. She suggests instead that everyone should disappear forever so that she and Snooki can flirt about paintings and not take their eyes off each other.

But first, it has been almost 15 seconds since Rose mentioned the wireless, so she’s due. And this time, she has a bombshell. The king will be speaking on it!

Downton2CarsonRobert

How common! How drab! Carson laments the fall of civilization, as usual, while Robert uses this opportunity to finally get Rose to shut up about the wireless by agreeing to rent one for the event. Thank you, Robert.

Carson feels yucky all over. Not only is he fighting with Robert, he’s also arguing with Mrs. Hughes, who supports His Lordship’s preposterous ideas about radios and memorials in the center of town. Disagreeing with Mrs. Hughes makes Carson feel yuckiest of all because they’ve been bustling soul mates for five seasons now.

Robert also feels yucky. He thinks Bunting is trying to steal Tom (she is), which means Sybbie might be “brought up by some harpy in an American sewer.” Well, that is where we keep our harpies. So fair point. Cora rolls her eyes so hard she almost falls out of bed and then tries to remember five minutes ago when she was talking about art and how beautiful she is. Sigh.

Downton2Cora

Turns out, Robert did notice the flirting after all. He shouts, “Tell your friend Bricker to stop flirting with Isis! There’s nothing more ill-bred than trying to steal the affections of someone else’s dog!” Even if “dog” is code for “Cora,” I love the idea that Robert heard him going on and on about beautiful things and immediately thought, “Yes, my dog is beautiful, isn’t she?”

Poor Robert, said no one. As we established last week, he’s such a Donk, but even a Donk gets to win sometimes. While touring Robert’s chosen site for the memorial, a grieving widow convinces Carson that a central memorial really is necessary to keep the memory constantly alive. Robert goes, “YES! I WIN! IN YO FACE!…I mean, I’m sorry for your loss, ma’am.” Most importantly, this change of heart means Carson can go back to fastidiously respecting Mrs. Hughes all night long. My heavens. Is it getting hot in here?

Later that day, the wireless is finally installed for the king’s speech. Rose explodes in a shower of confetti. Mrs. Patmore is just confused. “I suppose he can’t hear us,” she says. Oh, I love you Mrs. Patmore, but come on.

Downton2Radio

Afterward, Robert decides to have everyone break out into discussion groups for some reason, with only the Dowager and Carson giving the speech a rotten tomato for ruining the monarchy or something. Everyone else approves, and Cora and Rose are so thrilled that they petition Robert to keep the wireless. But aren’t they renting it? Late fees! Robert, this is why you always lose your fortune!

Still abuzz about the speech, Anna heads downstairs and meets Sad Thomas. Because she’s the most caring and forgiving person in the world, she expresses her genuine sadness about Thomas losing Jimmy. Thomas isn’t doing well and talks a lot about needing to belong. Uh oh. This won’t be good, will it?

In spite of Perfect Anna’s and OK Blake’s many attempts to dissuade her, Mary finds the idea of “sketching the countryside” with the lithe and supple figure of Tony Gillingham too irresistible to pass up.

Downton2Gillingham

She arrives at the hotel, using her real name because Tony says lies should have some truth in them. (Where was that advice during the Jane Sketchbook incident?) And with that one sentence of chatter out of the way, it’s sexy time.

In cliffhanger news, a policeman arrives to tell Carson that a witness to the murder of rape-valet Mr. Green has come forward. OK, Mr. Bates. You know the drill. At this point, Bates should get some kind of bulk discount on murder lawyers.

There we have it. We learned some important lessons this week: Don’t hide baby pictures under pillows, the king can’t hear you through the radio, and most of all, if you’re going on a secret sex-cation, please think of a better lie than a road trip with Annabelle Portsmouth. What did you think?

Spencer Barnes

Committed TV addict, indoor enthusiast, and side-eye aficionado who loves long-lost evil twins and spies who are terrible at spying.

Sours: http://www.newnownext.com/downton-abbey-recap-if-you-say-wireless-one-more-time/01/2015/

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Textured Poly “Twill” pillow cover with concealed zipper and synthetic insert included. A soft, comfortable accent for the home. Individually cut and sewn by hand in America.

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Downton Abbey: Top 10 Maggie Moments

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We're obsessed with PBS's Downton Abbey, and season three's recent finale has left us craving more.

While we love the idea of decorating our home in Edwardian charm, when we saw this decorative throw pillow for sale with a portrait of Maggie Smith, the actress who plays the Dowager Countess of Grantham, we were a little taken aback. We're not exactly sure we agree with the product description, which reads "a stylish statement that will liven up any room."

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Click through our slideshow of items that will help you get the Downton look at home.

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Sours: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/maggie-smith-downton-abbey-pillow_n_2820323
Downton Abbey Trailer - SNL

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Feature: 100% Brand new and high quality High quality material A Perfect item to decorate your room , sofa, cars and chairs, Cushion Cover Pillow Case Sofa Car Decoration Durable and easy to look after A good gift for your Friend,or a good choice for your Collection. This cushion cover has an invisible zipper and all seams have been overlocked so it’s easy to wash it Material: Silk Velvet Size:16"x16",18"x18",20"x20",22"x22",24"x24",26"x26" Type:Cover/Shell(cushion cover only,no insert)

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