Funny moody quotes

Funny moody quotes DEFAULT
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Rick Moody Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

  • “Cool is spent. Cool is empty. Cool is ex post facto. When advertisers and pundits hoard a word, you know it's time to retire from it. To move on. I want to suggest, therefore, that we begin to avoid cool now. Cool is a trick to get you to buy garments made by sweatshop laborers in Third World countries. Cool is the Triumph of the Will. Cool enables you to step over bodies. Cool enables you to look the other way. Cool makes you functional, eager for routine distraction, passive, doped, stupid.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “The past was so past it hurt.”
    -- Rick Moody

    #Hurt#Past#It Hurts

  • “I think literature is best when it's voicing what we would prefer not to talk about.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I have worked really hard to defy categorization, to break down a taxonomy whenever it comes my way.”
    -- Rick Moody

    #Taxonomy#Way#Breaking Down

  • “I judged about a zillion awards this year so Ive been reading a lot of books that just came out.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “The process of composition, messing around with paragraphs and trying to make really good prose, is hardwired into my personality.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I turned forty, and Im finally going to get married and maybe have a kid.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “There is no right or wrong reading of Naked Lunch, though some readings are more common, and thus Burroughs commercial is not the issue.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “It turns out that my memory is just not that great, so for specific scenes with people doing stuff, sometimes I'd have the details all wrong or I couldn't remember what happened exactly, so I just let that be.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I always wanted to write something illustrated, and the Details strip finally gave me the opportunity.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I love comic books and always did as a kid.”
    -- Rick Moody

    #Book#Kids#Comic Book

  • “I believe in the absolute and unlimited liberty of reading. I believe in wandering through the stacks and picking out the first thing that strikes me. I believe in choosing books based on the dust jacket.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “The Ice Storm, because of the movie, has had, or is to have, a vigorous life in other cultures.”
    -- Rick Moody

    #Hockey#Ice#Other Cultures

  • “Impotence, fetishism, bisexuality, and bondage are all facts of life, and our fiction should reflect that.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “Genre is a bookstore problem, not a literary problem.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “Maybe when I'm sixty-five I'll talk about my literary life.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “But that incessant drive to be out there in the literary universe that was important to me when I was in my twenties, like going to a Paris Review party or whatever, that seems totally irrelevant now.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I have admired Melissa Pritchard's writing for several years now for its wisdom, its humble elegance, and its earthy comedy.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I made this list of stuff that it's time for me to try to do.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I am in Boston right now, in fact, to do work at the New England Historical Genealogical Library, where I'm trying to finish up tracing my lineage back to the seventeenth century.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I'm trying to make sure that there's comedy as well as sadness. It makes the sadness more memorable.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “My contention is that that style is just as stylized as an ornate style.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “God howls with laughter at earthly plans, you know?”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “There’s something really rich and powerful in not talking about what you need to talk about sometimes.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I suppose I should say that I treasure blasphemy, as a faith of the highest order.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “I believe that God locates himself at the spot where you recognize your own fallibility....And the paradox of it all has been that whenever I give up I seem to do better.”
    -- Rick Moody

    #Spiritual#Giving Up#Believe

  • “Have I mentioned that I expect death around every turn, that every blue sky has a safe sailing out of it, that every bus runs me over, that every low, mean syllable uttered in my direction seems to intimate the violence of murder, that every family seems like an opportunity for ruin and every marriage a ceremony into which calamity will fall and hearts will be broken and lives destroyed and people branded by the mortifications of love?”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “Tangled in one another's arms and nine times out of ten the things you think about a person make it impossible to touch them.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • “It's also true, however, that having conquered the regional writer ghetto, I am now intent on conquering the nationalist writer ghetto and moving out into the world more.”
    -- Rick Moody

    #Moving On#Ghetto#World

  • “So while it is true that I find really dark stuff funny sometimes, it's also true that as a writer of books I want to have the whole range of human emotions.”
    -- Rick Moody


  • Sours:
    1. Nipple flap shirts
    2. Dakota spirit ethanol
    3. Pontoon bumpers amazon

    Dwight Lyman Moody, also known as D. L. Moody, was an American evangelist and publisher connected with the Holiness Movement, who founded the Moody Church, Northfield School and Mount Hermon School in Massachusetts, Moody Bible Institute, and Moody Publishers. These Dwight L Moody quotes will motivate you.

    Best Dwight L Moody Quotes

    1. “Christians should live in the world, but not be filled with it. A ship lives in the water; but if the water gets into the ship, she goes to the bottom. So Christians may live in the world; but if the world gets into them, they sink.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    2. “Moses spent forty years thinking he was somebody; forty years learning he was nobody, and forty years discovering what God can do with a nobody.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    3. “God doesn’t expect the impossible from us. He wants us to expect the impossible from Him!” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    4. “The Bible was not given for our information but for our transformation.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    5. “I have never met a man who has given me as much trouble as myself.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    6. “Everybody wants to enjoy heaven after they die, but they don’t want to be heavenly-minded while they live.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    7. “There will be no peace in any soul until it is willing to obey the voice of God.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    8. “Joy is love exalted; peace is love in response; long-suffering is love enduring; gentleness is love in society; goodness is love in action; faith is love on the battlefield; meekness is love in tough situations; and temperance is love in training.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    9. “In our prayers, we talk to God, in our Bible study, God talks to us, and we had better let God do most of the talking.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    10. “We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    11. “I’d rather be able to pray than to be a great preacher; Jesus Christ never taught his disciples how to preach, but only how to pray.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    12. “I prayed for Faith, and thought that some day Faith would come down and strike me like lightning. But Faith did not seem to come. One day I read in the tenth chapter of Romans, ‘Now Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God’. I had closed my Bible, and prayed for Faith. I now opened my Bible, and began to study, and Faith has been growing ever since.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    13. “Whatever you love more than God is your idol.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    14. “Give your life to God; he can do more with it than you can!” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    15. “Out of 100 men, one will read the Bible, the other 99 will read the Christian.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    16. “Those who say they will forgive but can’t forget, simply bury the hatchet but leave the handle out for immediate use.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    17. “Some people think God does not like to be troubled with our constant coming and asking. The way to trouble God is not to come at all.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    18. “He who kneels the most, stands the best.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    19. “Take courage. We walk in the wilderness today and in the Promised Land tomorrow” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    20. “God will not accept a divided heart. He must be absolute monarch. There is not room in your heart for two thrones. You cannot mix the worship of the true God with the worship of any other god more than you can mix oil and water. It cannot be done. There is not room for any other throne in the heart if Christ is there. If worldliness should come in, godliness would go out.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    21. “Be humble, or you’ll stumble.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    22. “There is no greater honour than to be the instrument in God’s hands of leading one person out of the kingdom of Satan into the glorious light of Heaven.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    23. “Before we pray that God would fill us, I believe we ought to pray Him to empty us.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    24. “A Christian in the world is one thing, and the world in a Christian is quite another thing. A ship in the water is all right, but when the water gets in the ship, it is quite a different thing.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    25. “I hunted all through the four Gospels trying to find one of Christ’s funeral sermons, but I couldn’t find any. I found He broke up every funeral He ever attended! Death couldn’t exist where He was.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    26. “Excuses are the cradle … that Satan rocks men off to sleep in.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    27. “Faith makes all things possible… love makes all things easy.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    28. “What makes the Dead Sea dead? Because it is all the time receiving, never giving out anything. Why is it that many Christians are cold? Because they are all the time receiving, never giving out anything.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    29. “So few grow, because so few study.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    30. “The difference between listening to a radio sermon and going to church…is almost like the difference between calling your girl on the phone and spending an evening with her.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    31. “Moses spent forty years in the king’s palace thinking that he was somebody; then he lived forty years in the wilderness finding out that without GOD he was a nobody; finally he spent forty more years discovering how a nobody with GOD can be a somebody.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    32. “Real true faith is man’s weakness leaning on God’s strength.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    33. “When I first became a Christian I thought I would be glad when I got farther on and got established. I thought I would be so strong and there would not be any danger; but the longer I live, the more danger I see there is. The only hope of any Christian…is to keep hold of Christ.” ~ Dwight L Moody Quotes
    34. “There are many of us that are willing to do great things for the Lord, but few of us are willing to do little things.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    35. “The measure of a man is not how many servants he has but how many men he serves .” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    36. “The work of the Spirit is to impart life, to implant hope, to give liberty, to testify of Christ, to guide us into all truth, to teach us all things, to comfort the believer, and to convict the world of sin.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    37. “I have noticed this, that when a man is full of the Holy Ghost he is the very last man to be complaining of other people.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    38. “It does not take long to tell where a man’s treasure is. In fifteen minutes’ conversation with most men, you can tell whether their treasures are on the earth or in Heaven.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    39. “Someday you will read in the papers that D.L. Moody of East Northfield, is dead. Don’t you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now; I shall have gone up higher, that is all, out of this old clay tenement into a house that is immortal-a body that death cannot touch, that sin cannot taint; a body fashioned like unto His glorious body.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    40. “Someday you will read in the papers that D.L. Moody of East Northfield, is dead. Don’t you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now; I shall have gone up higher, that is all, out of this old clay tenement into a house that is immortal-a body that death cannot touch, that sin cannot taint; a body fashioned like unto His glorious body.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    41. “The Bible will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Bible.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    42. “Someone has said that there are four things necessary in studying the Bible: Admit, submit, commit and transmit.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    43. “Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure.” ~ Dwight L Moody Quotes
    44. “‘Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God’ (Rom. 10:17). That is whence faith comes. It is not for me to sit down and wait for faith to come stealing over me with a strong sensation, but is for me to take God at His Word.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    45. “There is no true prayer without confession. As long as we have unconfessed sin in our soul, we are not going to have power with God in prayer. He says if we regard iniquity in our hearts, He will not hear us, much less answer. As long as we are living in any known sin, we have no power in prayer. God is not going to hear it.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    46. “The best way to revive a church is to build a fire in the pulpit.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    47. “I believe many a man is praying to God to fill him, when he is full already with something else. Before we pray that God would fill us, I believe we ought to pray Him to empty us.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    48. “God has cast our confessed sins into the depths of the sea, and He’s even put a ‘No Fishing’ sign over the spot.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    49. “Spread out your petition before God, and then say, “Thy will, not mine, be done.” The sweetest lesson I have learned in God’s school is to let the Lord choose for me.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    50. “Happiness is caused by things that happen around me, and circumstances will mar it; but joy flows right on through trouble; joy flows in the night as well as in the day; joy flows through persecution and opposition. It is an unceasing fountain bubbling up in the heart; a secret spring the world can’t see and doesn’t know anything about.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    51. “If God is your partner, make your plans BIG!” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    52. “No matter how low down you are; no matter what your disposition has been; you may be low in your thoughts, words, and actions; you may be selfish; your heart may be overflowing with corruption and wickedness, yet Jesus will have compassion upon you. He will speak comforting words to you; not treat you coldly or spurn you, as perhaps those of earth would, but will speak tender words, and words of love and affection and kindness. Just come at once. He is a faithful friend – a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” ~ Dwight L Moody Quotes
    53. “I thought when I became a Christian I had nothing to do but just to lay my oars in the bottom of the boat and float along. But I soon found that I would have to go against the current.” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    54. “It is a masterpiece of the devil to make us believe that children cannot understand religion. Would Christ have made a child the standard of faith if He had known that it was not capable of understanding His words?” ~ Dwight L. Moody
    55. “This lost world will never be reached and brought back to loyalty to God until the children of God wake up to the fact that they have a mission in the world. If we are true Christians we should all be missionaries.” ~ Dwight L. Moody

    Comment Your Favourite Dwight L Moody Quotes!

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    These Inspirational Quotes And Funny Sayings Are Great To Use On All Platforms Of Social Media. You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy the best golfer is a black guy the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese the Swiss hold the Americas Cup France is accusing the US.

    Top 23 Mood Quotes Bad Mood Quotes Annoying People Quotes Good Mood Quotes

    However there is a powerful remedy against all the troubles that we can meet every day a positive attitude to everything.

    Funny quotes about moody people. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. It depends on my mood.

    Some moody people are just struggling with life while others use moodiness as a tool to manipulate the people around them. When people ask why youre still single. Im not lazy Im just on my energy saving mode.

    Light travels faster than sound. A day without sunshine is like you know night. Looking for the best sarcastic quotes.

    Then sometimes Ill be moody and just wear black. Discover and share Funny Quotes About Moody People. Our funny quotes are the best things to remind you how easy life can be if you smile and laugh.

    This is why some people appear bright until they speak - Steven Wright 2. Sometimes Ill be going through a girly childlike stage and wear a pretty lace dress with a bow in my hair. I Am Person Unpredictable My style is definitely schizophrenic.

    Im trying to live. See more ideas about quotes offensive quotes funny quotes. Im generally not a moody person at all so when i turn to the dark side it really affects me and i.

    Youd like it would you if I did it to you The laughter died away almost instantly. It does change from day to day a lot. I just wanted to go off and do other things purely because it was out there you know.

    Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians celebrities and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. Here are our choices for the 75 funniest quotes and funny sayings ever.

    Emotional bullying is detrimental confusing downright mean. Everyone was laughing everyone except Moody. Moody jerked his wand and the spider rose onto two of its hind legs and went into what was unmistakably a tap dance.

    Whoa am i ever in one of those moods today. You know the ones where just about everything sets you off and youre a real cranky pants. When people ask me stupid.

    Why be moody when you can shake your booty. Of arrogance Germany doesnt want to go to war and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush Dick and Colin. Not that I got bored with it all or I didnt like the people in The Moody Blues.

    Talk about our feelings. Im not trying to convince the world I have a life Our collection of funny quotes which are short easy to remember but still hilarious All my life I tho air was free until I bough bag of chips. Moody Dealing with Moody People - You Dont Have to Be Nice to Them Truth is that quite often perpetual moodiness is about bullying others.

    Life can be difficult and even exhausting. When killing them with kindness doesnt work Try a. Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh I dont broadcast every high I dont hide every low.

    Your attitude may hurt me but mine can even kill you. Discover and share Moody People Quotes. Well just leave it to these quotes to say everything there is to say.

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    Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh and stay inspired. All the Aquarius people out there will LOL at how on point these moody quotes are. Weve compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm.

    A-Z Quotes Quotes for All Occasions. My life my rules so keep your nose out of my business. I hate it when you have to be nice to something you really want to throw a brick at.

    Dealing with moody people can become tiresome in the long-term. Aug 18 2016 - vogue australia. May 17 2019 - Explore Natalie Rowena Lilith Spurrs board Offensive Quotes followed by 732 people on Pinterest.

    Life Is Crazy And Hilarious Which Explains Why Theres Plenty Of Funny Quotes About Life Out There. Think its funny do you he growled.

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    Moody quotes funny

    There’s nothing simple about being an Aquarius.

    However, there’s nothing wrong with being complex ... it just means that there are more sides to an Aquarius person to love, as these moody quotes explain. 

    Two-dimensional people are so boring. It may take people a while to see all your sides, but once they understand you, they come to love you, because Aquarius love is easy to find as they have good hearts.

    According to Linda Goodman's "Sun Signs," the Aquarius sign is the water bearer, which means you can turn any stranger into a friend and pretty much charm the pants off of anyone you meet. “Lots of people like rainbows. Children make wishes on them, artists paint them, dreamers chase them, but the Aquarian is ahead of everybody," Goodman writes.

    Famous people born in the zodiac sign Aquarius include Oprah Winfrey, Alicia Keys, and Jennifer Aniston. 

    Aquarius people have their bad days just like any other sign, however, they are known for being very moody. Therefore if you're an Aquarius you'll relate to these quotes and captions about being moody.

    Talk about our feelings? No thanks. We'll just leave it to these quotes about Aquarius to say everything there is to say.

    Here are 21 moody quotes an Aquarius will relate to.

    1. "Ew, people."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    RELATED: What Does An Aquarius Look Like?

    2. "My brain has too many tabs open."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    3. "I and me are always too deep in conversation" — Friedrich Nietzsche

    Friedrich Nietzsche moody quotes for aquarius

    4. "I enjoy talking to you. Your mind appeals to me." — George Orwell

    George Orwell moody quotes for aquarius

    5. "I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color." — Emmanuelle Alt

    Emmanuelle Alt moody quotes for aquarius

    6. "S—t could be worse."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    7. "Being alone with your feelings is the worst because you have nowhere to run. They're here, dancing in your mind and all you can do is handle."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    8. "Boring damned people. All over the Earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The Earth is swarmed with them." — Charles Bukowski

    Charles Bukowski moody quotes for aquarius

    9. "I like being alone. I have control over my own s—t. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zones." — Horacio Jones

    Horacio Jones moody quotes for aquarius

    10. "We are neither on good terms or bad. We are no longer anything." — Jeigo

    Jeigo moody quotes for aquarius

    RELATED: Aquariuses Most Likely To Succeed In Life, Says Study

    11. "Once you get attached, you're f—ed."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    12. "I have mixed drinks about feelings." — Eric Church

    Eric Church moody quotes for aquarius

    13. "Normal is boring."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    14. "It's a beautiful day to leave me alone."

    moody quotes for aquarius

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    15. "I may be quiet, but I have so much on my mind." 

    moody quotes for aquarius

    16. "You'd lose your mind trying to understand mine."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    17. "People ask me why is it so hard to trust people. I ask why is it so hard to keep a promise."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    18. "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination." — Mark Twain

    Mark Twain moody quotes for aquarius

    19. "I like to be alone, but I hate being lonely."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    20. "I've always been someone who looks too deep into something or someone. That's because I realized from a young age that there's always more than what meets the eye."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    21. "Is 'ugh' an emotion? Because I feel it all the time."

    moody quotes for aquarius

    RELATED: Why Are Aquarius So Hated?

    Tess Griman is a writer whose work focuses on relationships, astrology, and pop culture.

    Funny Quotes

    Henry James “Hank” Moody, portrayed by David Duchovny, is a fictional character and the protagonist of the Showtime television series Californication. Profoundly inspirational Hank Moody quotes will challenge the way you think, and make your life worth living.

    Famous Hank Moody

    So you’re suggesting I should dump this whole writer thing and reinvent myself as a Hollywood manwhore? – Hank Moody

    Come on back to bed. Let’s californicate. – Hank Moody

    I have squandered a lot of opportunities, it’s true. I could give you a bunch of excuses. I could blame it on my masturbating agent or I could chalk it up to fear and self-loathing in Los Angeles, but the truth is that… I’m trying to grow the f*ck up for once. You know, I’m on a quest to reclaim the best parts of myself before it’s too f*ckin’ late. – Hank Moody

    Life is too short to dance with fat girls. – Hank Moody

    It’s true I am kind of retarded, but I’m also kind of amazing. – Hank Moody

    She’s got a nose ring, too. You know what that means. – Hank Moody

    Get a load of black Jesus, he turn water in whiskey too? – Hank Moody

    Life will kill you. – Hank Moody

    I can’t keep apologizing for something I can’t change. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to become someone that you can love again. – Hank Moody

    Let’s get you home before this low rider turns back into a pumpkin. – Hank Moody

    I don’t think I’ve ever known. I think sometimes you get it right the first time and then it defines your life. It becomes who you are. – Hank Moody

    We have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The Internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it’s really given us is Howard Dean’s aborted candidacy and -hour a day access to kiddie p*rn. – Hank Moody

    I love me some morning sex. Daylight, smelly puss, bad breathe, bring it! – Hank Moody

    That’s just me, an ungrateful heathen, highway to Hell and whatnot. – Hank Moody

    Do we think the ladies have gone too far with the sex positive feminism? I mean I know they’re all down with the p*rnography and the shaved pudenda and what not, but do we really think this is the path to liberation? – Hank Moody

    Worst intervention ever. – Hank Moody

    Well that happened. – Hank Moody

    I support you bromo-sexual. – Hank Moody

    Why would I put some clothes on? This is the way baby Jesus made me. – Hank Moody

    Hey. You know, it’s not fair to say BRB and then never actually BRB. – Hank Moody

    You know, most people, they go their whole life, and they never really find someone they love. They say they do because everybody’s the star of their own little romantic comedy, but they’re full of sh*t. You and me, we had women that loved us for who we were, really loved us for who we were, and we f*cked it up. For what? Some stupid piece of *ss we forgot about minutes later? – Hank Moody

    The person that I want to have everything to do with wants nothing to do with me. – Hank Moody

    As a writer, I’m a sucker for happy endings. The guy gets the girl, she saves him from himself, fade to f*cking black. As a guy who loves a girl, I realize there’s no such thing. There’s no sunset. There’s just now, and there’s just the two of us, which can be scary f*cking ugly sometimes. But if you close your eyes and listen for the whisper of your heart—if you simply keep trying and never ever give up, no matter how many times you get it wrong, until the beginning and the end blur into something called until we meet again — and that’s it. – Hank Moody

    Sometimes it’s better not to touch your dreams. – Hank Moody

    It reminds me of when we first started dating and I would knock on your door and in the time between you answering, I would try to imagine what you were gonna look like. And when you did, you’d be, like, ten times more beautiful than I could ever imagine. And I’d get this funny feeling in my stomach because you’d look at me with all this hope in your eyes instead of disappointment, which is what I see now. – Hank Moody

    Don’t blame me because you were born with a cl*t for a c*ck and a tiny little beanbag to house what passes for balls. – Hank Moody

    I’ll always be buzzing around like a gnat, like a well-hung gnat, with a dream. – Hank Moody

    It’s decided then, I’m going out tonight. Like Zig, I’m jerkin myself to Jesus. – Hank Moody

    At the end of the day, it’s all about her. It’s always been about her. – Hank Moody

    He’s like you but awesome. – Hank Moody

    I just get so lonely sometimes. I need a hug for a moment and the moment passes. I’m good. Smell you later. – Hank Moody

    Some girls are timid and lack focus, but you, you should be in p*rn. – Hank Moody

    Where’s you c*ck? Oh I see it, it’s right under your cl*t. – Hank Moody

    Can I bring anything back for you damaged fu-kers? Some coke? Some heroine? Some Pink Taco? – Hank Moody

    Honey, I didn’t mean to force moisture from your face. – Hank Moody

    It’d be nice if I could f*ll*te myself while farting the White album, but I haven’t quite mastered that yet. – Hank Moody

    You’re going to live to humiliate yourself another day. – Hank Moody

    I miss your smell. When you left, I couldn’t wash the sheets because I didn’t want to lose that completely… You. And… it f*cked me up for a long time because I would wake up and I’d smell you and I’d think you were there. And that would… My heart would break all over again. I think that’s why I go in for the kiss all the time. I know, yeah. I think I’m going for… another hit. – Hank Moody

    A lot can happen in a weekend. – Hank Moody

    That’s right, we’re pullin’ you over mutha fukka! – Hank Moody

    I won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. – Hank Moody

    Revenge is a dish best served with my d*ck. – Hank Moody

    Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I’m going to have to report you – for giving me a serious boner. – Hank Moody

    It is possible that longing for something is better than actually having it. I’ve heard it said that satisfaction is the death of desire. – Hank Moody

    It’s not your fault. I’m like fly paper for the emotionally disturbed. – Hank Moody

    It looks like a button on a fur coat. Well look on the bright side Charlie, it may be short but it’s thin. – Hank Moody

    All those things that weren’t supposed to happen? They happened. But what happens next is up to you. – Hank Moody

    I guess I see myself as an enthusiast. A drug and alcohol enthusiast. – Hank Moody

    Should I be worried? He does seem dangerously cool. Kind of like a young Lando Calrissian, with a dream. – Hank Moody

    I love women. I have all their albums. – Hank Moody

    I can make fun of Runkle but you can’t. – Hank Moody

    I know you’re saving the planet and all, but it doesn’t give you the right to be an *ssh*le! – Hank Moody

    Nobody likes you. You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f*cking douche. – Hank Moody

    You ladies really are the most amazing creatures – my life’s work. But then there’s the morning after – the hangover, the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. and she’s gone and I’m haunted by yet another road not taken. – Hank Moody

    You know maybe if you just relaxed for half a second, and stopped looking so hard for the appropriate life mate, then you might wake up one morning next to one. – Hank Moody

    I’m just like my father. You know, there isn’t a woman that I’ve met that I haven’t fallen in love with for minutes or years. – Hank Moody

    The only thing I’m guilty of is poor judgement. – Hank Moody

    Girl makes it sound so pleasant. I have one big pain in the *ss teenage daughter. – Hank Moody

    Don’t come back here without a dozen roses and your d*ck in a box. – Hank Moody

    You have extremely moist lips. They’re like kissable cupcakes. It’s as if Sprinkles and Crumbs got together and made sweet love and had these delicious smoochable cupcake babies. – Hank Moody

    I know I’m a big fan of the bye bye pain juice, but I don’t think I’m an alcoholic do you? – Hank Moody

    A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. – Hank Moody

    You know what they say? Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us even more annoying. – Hank Moody

    It helps to have daughters in low places. – Hank Moody

    You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s *ss and not wonder about her dreams. It’s not gentlemanly. – Hank Moody

    Rehab is for quitters. – Hank Moody

    I look around and I see that everybody else is infinitely more f* up than I am. – Hank Moody

    I see us becoming incredibly close. Great friends, eventually. After the part where you hate my guts for a long, cold winter. – Hank Moody

    I am saying that if you can do anything else with your life right now, anything at all, I think maybe you should do that the world doesn’t need any more lame vampire fiction, you know what I’m saying? You with me amigo? – Hank Moody

    Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. I mean, we have all this amazing technology, and yet… computers have turned into basically four-figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but… But all it’s really given us is Howard Dean’s aborted candidacy and… -hour day access to kiddy p*rn. People… They don’t write anymore. They blog. Instead of talking, they text… No punctuation, no grammar, L.O.L. this and L.M.F.A.O. that. It just seems to me that it’s just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people in a protolanguage that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King’s English. – Hank Moody

    The older I get the clearer it becomes that you two were the best thing to ever happen to an old fool like me. – Hank Moody

    A morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness. – Hank Moody

    She said one thing. I said another. Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. – Hank Moody

    I made myself a promise and I kept it! My heart and c*ck both swell with pride. – Hank Moody

    My adventures in the screen trade have been about as much fun as forced *n*l. – Hank Moody

    I can’t help it if some c*ck tard in a fedora takes a picture at the exact wrong moment. – Hank Moody

    Whatever you do, don’t be another brick in the wall. – Hank Moody

    I’m holding out for Keitel. When in doubt call, in the Bad Lieutenant. Plus the guy loves to show his dong. Gotta love that in a thespian. – Hank Moody

    You can’t blame everything on the economy, douche bag. – Hank Moody

    That’s what happens in a relationship, you stop caring. The next thing you know the sex is sporadic, the blow job’s bi-annual and *ss play is out of the question. – Hank Moody

    Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. to be exact. – Hank Moody

    Are you guys really sisters or is this kind of like some white stripes deal? – Hank Moody

    You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s *ss and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it’s not gentlemanly. – Hank Moody

    Not to contradict your dear old mom, who’s both wicked smart and wonderful, but, no, we don’t have to be realistic. Not when it comes to love. – Hank Moody

    She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I f*cked it up again and again and again. – Hank Moody

    All my life I thought that sort of life was lame, but now I realize the joke was on me. – Hank Moody

    Page one, why the f*ck are you fading in? – Hank Moody

    Not only does the lady have bodacious ta-ta’s she also has splendiferous taste in literature. – Hank Moody

    Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. – Hank Moody

    You can’t let the priests have all the fun. – Hank Moody

    It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns, and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment… the moment that could’ve changed everything. – Hank Moody

    Turns out it’s really expensive to live in a hotel. – Hank Moody

    I look like a f*cking FBI agent. – Hank Moody

    I was just putting my thoughts in order when I was rudely interrupted by the ill affects of self-medicating. – Hank Moody

    I still think you are mean, petty and vindictive, but I’m thinking maybe we should hate f-ck? Get the poison out? – Hank Moody

    I enjoy the casual nature of things. – Hank Moody

    Everything is so f*cking crazy right now. I don’t feel like I can make the right move to save my life. – Hank Moody

    Well, you should’ve called. I wouldn’t have answered, but you coulda left a message, which I would’ve quickly erased. – Hank Moody

    She’s not much one for chatting – texting, yes – twittering, tweeting, twatting, staring solemnly at the old man. – Hank Moody

    So what’s the move here? Good cop, bad cop, bald cop? – Hank Moody

    I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a–hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That’s just me. How bout you guys? – Hank Moody

    The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that’s bad luck. You know what’s worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I’ve read studies. It’s like out of of those end in divorce, sometimes more. out of , some. – Hank Moody

    Oh never have I been so excited to write a huge check and service the community for twelve days. – Hank Moody

    I got a date with my dong and some hotel p*rnography, the good stuff too, penetration and everything. – Hank Moody

    No she’s not right and even if she were you’re her parent. It’s your job to make her feel like she’s wrong. – Hank Moody

    I like my stink. – Hank Moody

    It’s just so hard to tell the difference between those that have a good heart and the ones that are just out there to win. – Hank Moody

    You are going to enchant an entire generation of teenage boys with those pound puppies. – Hank Moody

    Never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ’cause it’s true – all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you. There’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures. My life’s work. But then there’s the morning after. The hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone. And I’m haunted by yet another road not taken. – Hank Moody

    I can’t believe this, we are actually sitting around watching a cop eat doughnuts. – Hank Moody

    I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. – Hank Moody

    Oh I’m sorry. Turns out I’m quite the Fruit Ninja. – Hank Moody

    Friends don’t let friends bang each other’s soul mates. – Hank Moody

    I’m not challenging your sobriety but mocking it is kind of fun. – Hank Moody

    Nothing like a sweet little Charlie Runkle coming of age story, to make you wanna stab yourself in the d*ck. – Hank Moody

    I don’t even know a mother f*cker’s real name. I just call him Alfred and he snaps right to it. – Hank Moody

    I’m fine. I’m disgusted with my life and my self, but I’m not unhappy about that. – Hank Moody

    Innocent until proven diminutive. – Hank Moody

    Get me a strainer, I’ll clean it up, I’ll make it nice. – Hank Moody

    Is this wrong? I can’t tell anymore. I can’t f*cking tell anymore. – Hank Moody

    Categories Life QuotesSours:

    Now discussing:

    10 Most Relatable Hank Moody Quotes

    Television has been around for over a century and you'd be hard-pressed to find a more relatable character than Californication's Hank Moody. During his seven-year run as the charming writer, David Duchovny was the literal embodiment of the human condition by constantly jumping back-and-forth between self-loathing bitterness and borderline-arrogant confidence.

    RELATED: 10 Worst Things Hank Moody Did On Californication

    While Hank assuredly had a countless amount of comedic lines through the years, he was also incredibly wise and meaningful, even if it sometimes stemmed from a dark and twisted look on life. But what can you expect from the author of God Hates Us All? Here are the 10 times that we related to Hank Moody the most.

    10 "Life will kill you."

    It doesn't matter what people enjoy or despise nowadays because everything is seemingly trying to kill you in some form or fashion, and Hank Moody knows it. He also doesn't bother wasting his time worrying about it either.

    In the season 1 episode, "Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder," Hank runs into a surfer-girl while shopping for liquor and she notices him puffing on a cigarette. When she mentions to Hank, "those things will kill you, ya know?" Hank retorts the line, leaving both the woman and the audience at a momentary loss for words. That was a pretty deep line Hank, too bad it wasn't good enough to stop the girl from stealing your stuff.

    9 "All my life I thought that sort of life was lame, but now I realize the joke was on me."

    One of the reasons Hank Moody is so relatable is that he spent the entirety of his life running away from what would most-likely make him the happiest. You know, like most people tend to do. In Hank's instance, that was his wife and daughter pulling him away from the wild freedom that he just couldn't seem to let go of.

    RELATED: The 10 Best Guest Stars On Californication

    That is, until the season 5 episode, "Perverts & Whores," when Hank finds himself living on his baby mama's couch along with their only daughter and realizes that this picture-perfect family life-style that he's always run from is actually what he's always wanted. Who would've thought a man's family could make him happy?

    8 "I'm fine. I'm disgusted with my life and my self, but I'm not unhappy about that."

    As previously stated, Hank Moody is the king of self-loathing and that means he's the best at it. But that also means that within his self-loathing he finds the confidence to understand that everybody is self-loathing in their own way, thus helping him rise above it.

    It's the whole, "if everybody's special, nobody is," debate and Hank made it clear which side of the debate he falls on early. With this line coming in the very first episode of the entire series, fans quickly came to understand that Hank was a person who hated himself and liked it that way because it was better than the alternative of feeling nothing at all.

    7 "I don't think I've ever known. I think sometimes you get it right the first time and then it defines your life. It becomes who you are."

    Everybody on earth has that one particular person that entered their life and completely got under their skin. Whether that person comes when we're teenagers or if it happens when we're fifty, it's seemingly just a law of nature that people will have someone that they ultimately can't get over.

    RELATED: 15 Hottest Babes From Californication: Where Are They Now

    Hank expressed that succinctly in the final episode of season 4 when the actress playing his baby mama in a movie asked what was so special about her. Even a brilliant writer like Hank couldn't possibly sum that feeling up with something as simple as words.

    6 "Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber."

    This particular Hank Moody quote is the beginning of a long and brutally honest tirade where he discusses the collective stupidity of the human race and how inventions such as smartphones and the Internet have only helped speed that process along. In the season 1 episode, "LOL," Hank's girlfriend verbally uses the titular phrase, sparking Hank to then heavily bash the concept of shortening words and phrases on a radio talk show later on in the episode.

    While it certainly wasn't the classiest, or most subtle, way to tell his girlfriend that she's stupid, that doesn't mean Hank wasn't right. Emojis are the same as cave drawings, and Hank Moody knew it in 2007.

    5 "Whatever you do, don't be another brick in the wall."

    Despite the numerous questionable choices that he made throughout the show, there was never a doubt when it came to how much Hank loved his daughter, and he always made sure to deliver lines like the one above when he was around her.

    RELATED: 11 TV Shows You Wouldn't Watch With Your Parents

    His poor choices may not have made him the best role-model, but even as a 14-year-old Becca was wise enough to understand that parents aren't supposed to be role-models, and knew her father was certainly no exception. But Hank was always proud of how different Becca was from other kids and often encouraged her to be herself no matter what, and that's ultimately the best thing a parent can do.

    4 "I look around and I see that everybody else is infinitely more f***** up than I am."

    Season 1 Hank had a lot of remarkably relatable quotes, and understandably so since it was the audience's first interaction with the character. But this quote hit particularly close to home among viewers when an in-denial and drug-fueled Hank tells his friend/manager Runkle not to tell him how he should feel about his father dying.

    Despite Hank's knack for getting into trouble, for the most part, he really tries to just let people do as they please, only stepping in once they start being an asshole. Everybody's fighting their own battles, some people like Hank just choose to cope with hookers named Trixie.

    3 "The person that I want to have everything to do with wants nothing to do with me."

    In this quote from season 6, Hank once again proves how he is exactly like the rest of us by making a romantic proclamation that everyone has felt at some point or another.

    RELATED: The Office: 10 Most Arrogant But Relatable Ryan Howard Quotes

    It's only human nature to want things, and unfortunately 'other people' tend to fall into that category of things to want. But another rule of nature is that nobody can have everything that they want, and when the love of your life is the thing you can't have, learning that the hard way can be a painful process. Hank can certainly testify to that.

    2 "All those things that weren't supposed to happen? They happened. But what happens next is up to you."

    Expect the unexpected - a bitter truth to life. Nobody can plan for the future, regardless of how badly they may want or try to, and Hank made that perfectly clear in the season 1 finale.

    When Becca gets her very first period the morning that her mother is supposed to marry another man, it really seems as though the universe is trying to play a cruel joke on Hank. We've all been there. Everybody has days that they wish they could just pause or erase from existence. But Hank knows that life doesn't work that way, and the best he can do is just keeping going forward.

    1 "It's true, I am kind of retarded. But I'm also kind of amazing."

    As we said, Hank Moody was the epitome of jumping back-and-forth between hating and loving himself, and only a character who truly felt that way could've delivered this quote from season 4.

    Hank knows that he's just as smart as the average bear and that there isn't anything particularly special about him; he just happens to be good at writing and there's a handful of people out there who thoroughly enjoy that. But when it comes to his brains or his wits, Hank is always the first one to step up and defend that his actions never come from a particularly powerful source. We think your quotes are amazing, Hank; but what does that also tell you?

    NEXT: HIMYM: 10 Ted Mosby Quotes We Can All Relate To


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    About The Author
    Jonathan Meschutt (212 Articles Published)

    Jonathan Meschutt is a writer based in Upstate New York. He's had every job you could think of, including garbage man, dishwasher, administrative assistant, catering cook, and a dozen more, but now works as a list writer for Valnet Inc, and is covering entertainment topics for Screen Rant. He has a B.S. Mass Communication degree, focused on Film (see what he did there?) and has spent the past three years as the writing assistant to an Emmy nominated television screenwriter.

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